Editors Note: Welcome to the Trailers of the Week column. Each week, I, along with a friend who loves movies as much as I do, will break down trailers for the upcoming release season. This week, Nick Younger reacts with me to Secret in Their Eyes, Creed, Steve Jobs, Mastermind, and Wet Hot American Summer in:
Secret in their eyes:
Nick Younger: The first joke I thought of was when it says “The body was bleached inside and out” was: “That means her asshole too right?” Mom, please don’t read this. I’m getting a really strong feeling of Taken for Women? I wouldn’t have picked Julia Roberts per se, but I think she could do a pretty solid Liam Neeson impression, so this movie may be well worth it.
But this looks really generic, like we all know the revenge story, I want some fucking character to it! Add some CGI action scenes! Add some vampires and werewolves battling for territorial supremacy! Put Julia Roberts in a leather jumpsuit! I watched Underworld the other day so I’m a little hung up on it. Julia Roberts just isn’t mom scary, she just seems like the type of mom to yell at a Macy’s store clerk for not having the right suede jacket. I wouldn’t mind her going all Erin Brockovich on some fresh thugs and maybe she’ll curb stomp someone, that’d be pretty wyld.
Aditya Joshi: TBH never been a huge Julia Roberts fan. Reinventing her as a badass cop looking for revenge – at whatever cost – after finding her daughter murdered in a trash bin, doesn’t really do it for me, even with the great piece of expositional dialogue “it’s Kara, it’s your daughter”. That said, Chiwetel is a huge stud, who went through 1906 faces a night for 13 years even though all white people all look the same. Idk, rogue Pretty Woman isn’t really my speed, neither are dark revenge flicks. I’m sure someone will enjoy this, though?
NY: Finally, the folks at Hollywood wised up and made a movie about a character we actually give a shit about. I’ve been waiting years for this Office prequel. And thank god Creed is the figurehead. The Creed Bratton biopic stars an interesting choice of Michael B. Jordan as our titular figure, and an aging Stallone as I can only assume Michael Scott? We get a look into Creed’s wild and rough past in Woodstock, stealing the name Creed Bratton, and other hilarious shenanigans. Maybe we will understand the sexual and turbulent nature of the ever mysterious Creed. I’m excited to see how this plays out, spinoffs hardly do well. The genre shift in this seems interesting, I don’t really remember Creed mentioning boxing but, it may have been in Season 8, I stopped watching after Michael left. This could be the beginning of Jordan’s comedy career. Truth be told, I haven’t watched the trailer yet, but the thumbnail looks good.
AJ: I was at a July 4th party this weekend where a little TV in the corner was showing a marathon of all the Rocky movies. If that’s not America as hell I don’t know what is. To be honest, the production quality of some of the later Rocky trailers definitely date them a bit, but the fight scenes are always incredible. I sat captivated in the middle of a party watching the second Rocky V. Apollo bout, and I got chills. The fact that Michael B. Jordan took some time off of being the next great black actor that they call whenever they need a black lead (Seriously, this guy is in everything! Sorry young Will/Denzel) to kick some ass. He looks like he jacked up in a big way, and between this and the new Fantastic Four movie, MBJ is poised to be our next movie star of any color. But this movie is less about Jordan and more about the Rocky franchise… Nick, put me in a pair of star spangled shorts under a gray jordan jumpsuit and call me nostalgic, but I’m AMPED for this movie. I’m even glad for the return of Stallone, and his weird way of speaking. Wish he didn’t bring back that awful hat though.
AJ: Is it bad that for half of the movie trailer I thought Fassbender had turned into Tom Hiddleston? Long haired Fassy is almost indescernible from our boy Loki.
I don’t really remember there being an absurd amount of alimony related drama in Jobs’s biography, but I’ll buy it as a vehicle for drama. I’m very much in for this movie, if only to see Jeff Daniels say “You’re going to end me, aren’t you?” over and over and over again.
NY: 10/10 would still bang Fassbender in a turtleneck and dad jeans, the 90s were a hell of a decade. Also, fuck Ashton Kutcher, am I right?? Our boy Kelso may have walked and talked like the Computer King, but I think Sassy Fassy will really bring the douchiness of Steve Jobs to the silver screen. Is Seth Rogen the next Jonah Hill? Call this movie Woz and Steve make a Porno. Seth Rogen is going to win a Best Supporting Actor from this, it must happen. Just as Jonah Hill became the next Seth Rogen in like 2008, the Wheel of Fate is forever turning.
Apparently, this movie actually portrays Jobs better than the other biopic, and honestly I hope it does, there’s already like 3 movies about Steve Jobs, #wherestheandroidmovie??? ‘’Andy Rubin’’ could be a great movie about the rise of Android phones. (I had to google the founder of Android for that joke) Who actually uses Android anyways? Pilgrims? Those weird pale aliens at the beginning of Star Trek?
Maybe the increased interest in Steve Jobs is a conspiracy by Apple to then market a new iPhone. OR this IS the Andy Rubin movie, and it’s smear campaign to tarnish the good household name of Steve Jobs. Oh no……BOYCOTT THIS MOVIE, we can’t let the Communists win.
NY: A true American classic where Zach Galifinakis can channel his native North Carolina accent. The saddest part is that my family lived in Charlotte in 1997 when this movie takes place. The actual heist is actually really fucking funny, I’m pretty sure the guy got caught because he spent like 500,000 dollars in like 2 months. A solid cast in a movie that’s going to be like every other Zach G movie, really really really stupid, but hilarious. I honestly am just excited for all the perms in this movie. I feel like every male character in this trailer is rocking one of those dirty bastards. When is a movie in the 90s considered a period piece?
This will be full of dumb quotable moments, but will retain that good ol Zach G charm. This is chock-full of SNL members, so it can’t be awful. Right?
AJ: Despite the great cast I have a bad feeling this is going to be like that movie I didn’t like where Galifinakis cuts off a giraffe’s head by accident. I didn’t really love any of the jokes in the trailer except the use of “betwixt”. Kristen Wiig can do no wrong though, so maybe we’ll turn out alright in the end.
Wet Hot American Summer
NY: I honestly have never been more excited for a Netflix series in my entire life. We finally return to the good old Jewish summer camp, Camp Firewood. Everybody looks pretty good still, besides Michael Ian Black, who just got fat. I’m glad all the originals can return, and then they added like a billion more famous folk. I’m mainly excited for H. Jon Benjamin’s character to die halfway through the series and have his soul somehow transferred into the can of beans. (I’m going to go smear mud on my ass.)
If you haven’t seen the original do yourself a favor and make your way into the deep wilderness, find a cave, and collapse the entrance, because you don’t deserve to live among civilized humans, you heathen. With an all-star cast, and just a hilarious background with the original, this might be the best Netflix reboot. Obligatory fuck you to Arrested Development season 4 (which wasn’t really that bad, but I’m after pity likes here). I might cut myself a new pair of jorts in preparation, as a way to get into the spirit of the film. Well as you can tell I’m excited, in the meantime I’m going to go hump a fridge.
AJ: Wow they all look so old, but look at this cast! I’m typing this as I’m watching the “featuring” part of the trailer. I still remember discovering this movie when I was having my friends over like 10 years ago… We were just hanging out with the movie in the background and suddenly Bradley Cooper started having sex with a dude in a closet and we were so confused. Damn this credits sequence is long… I’m still waiting for it to finish. Wait, introducing Jon Hamm? What am I watching? Did I just see a Jon Hamm knife fight? DID I JUST SEE A JON HAMM KNIFE FIGHT? DID I JUST SEE A JON HAMM KNIFE FIGHT?!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?? *faints*