When I Say ‘Star,’ You Say ‘Wars’: An Impassioned Review of the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Comic-Con Reel

“Everything has changed, but nothing has changed…”

That’s right. Star Wars is coming. And it’s going to be fucking dynamite.

Ever since I heard rumblings that JJ Abrams was remaking the defining series of my childhood, I have obsessively been poring over the internet for any scrap of information about the absurdly well titled “Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens”. Therefore, I can definitively tell you that I am disgustingly confident that our friends at Disney assembled the perfect cast, crew, and director to create an unreal cinematic masterpiece. I say unto you, “Now dawns the Star Wars renaissance.” Hell, when the first look released I almost cried. What more do you need out of a “trailer” than a bunch of weird aliens, long desert shots, midgets in boxes, and Chewbacca with a human head wearing Alice Cooper makeup? I would honestly be content with just hearing someone sweetly whisper scenes of the next Star Wars in my ear, but since I live in the age of the internet I can indulge myself on every gooey, chunky, chocolatey bit of spoilery goodness about “The Force Awakens”. ” New faces and new places litter TFA, and based on my spelunking, Abrams had seemingly created a next installment that was going to make me cream my already off-white Jedi replica robes.

But then this weekend, my wildest expectations were topped with the release of the behind the scenes reel of “The Force Awakens” at Comic-Con 2015. It’s fucking awesome. Like cut my hand off, reveal your parentage, and cast me down into the sky-space-sewers of Cloud City awesome. Like Han Solo playing a guitar power ballad in a Jacuzzi while 100$ bills rain from the sky awesome. Let me explain it to you in vivid graphic detail if you haven’t seen it (Which is egregious because I was at a music festival in a Serbian fortress and watched it three times in a row, so what are you doing with your life?):

It starts off swimmingly with all the concept art and background footage people should expect. Marky Mark Hamill, the O.G. Luke, monologues about the use of the practical effects that harken back to 1970s George Lucas days. It’s faithful to the old ways and moving away from the sacrilegious CGI filth that pollutes Hollywood (obligatory fuck you to Peter Jackson, bite me Michael Bay). Every shot is a cinemagasmic masterpiece, think Van Gogh with a camera crew. We see the slick new stormtroopers manhandle a roguish Oscar Isaac down the most chrome hallway in Star Wars history. Sith lords, more stormtroopers, and a fuckload explosions whip past us as the glamorous sets flash by. Additionally, we get a first glimpse at an all CGI-gussied up Lupita Nyong’o, as the space pirate, Maz “Camp” Kanata (just a little different from her role in 12 Years). Just halfway through, I can’t help but agree with Simon Pegg as he muses in his wonderfully nerdy way, “I’m in heaven.”

The reel throws us into a cavalcade of the coolest sets and character designs with aliens, spaceships, and our boy Chewie (Peter Mayhew) back in the Wookie suit. Familiar faces pop up with a grizzled Harrison Ford, and a still charming Carrie Fisher paired with the new faces of John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Oscar Isaac, Domnhall Gleeson and the like. The newcomers provide poignant blurbs about the quality and dedication that the crew put in for Episode VII. The whole trailer jam-packs the perfect amount of hype and fan service that is necessary in the next Star Wars. Abrams and crew are true fans of the series, and you can see how giddy everyone is to be making this movie. I’ve never camped out for a movie before, but now is an excellent time to start. I’ll just have to cut me open some Tauntaun, and cram myself in some space snow-goat-lizard intestines to survive the harsh Boone winter. If you aren’t excited for this, then please leave; I’m catching up with my boy C-3PO soon.

J.J. Abrams you’re my only hope.

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