Game of Thrones Power Rankings: 602 – ‘Home’

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Holy fuck.

There’s only one ranking that matters today.

JON SNOW IS BACK BABY.

But we’ll get to that.

First:

Brutal Deaths of the Week:

Penis Guy:

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Poor dude was bragging about how he was taunting Cersei and got wrecked by Ser Robert Strong. Didn’t they tell you in Flea Bottom sir? Hubris will be the end of you.

Roose Bolton & Son

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One of the most cunning commanders in the entirety of Westeros did not deserve this fate. Did he deserve to die for his betrayal of the Starks? Absolutely. Did he deserve to be killed by the bastard son to whom he had given power and followed quickly into death by his new infant? Certainly not. The only positive I can see is that he didn’t live long enough to see his newborn son eaten alive by hounds. Ramsey is truly a fucking psycho.

Balon Greyjoy: 

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Another ruler bites the dust at the hand of his heir (?). This is just that kind of week, I guess. You would think that they could space out the changing of the guard, but I guess this was bound to happen kind of hurriedly since Balon Greyjoy has been dead in the books for like 10 years.

You might be asking, though, “who is the dude that killed him?” GOT’s newest resident badass character is named Euron Greyjoy, and he is Theon’s uncle (and Balon’s brother). In the books, Euron is a classic pirate type, who along with Balon and their other non-preistly brother Victarion, convinced their father to rebel against the new Baratheon empire. Eventually he was banished by Balon for raping Victarion’s wife, because he gives absolutely no fucks, and has seemingly returned to win the crown of Pyke through a “Kingsmoot”, which is basically some godly ritual designed to determine the new King of the Iron Islands. With a resurgent Theon, a fired up Asha, and a newly returned Euron, this  mini “Game of Throne”could get real heated, real quick.

Deaths aside, let’s get on to the really important stuff:

6.02 Power Rankings:

1) JON SNOW!!!!

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We expected this. I mean, c’mon. We ALL expected this. Doesn’t mean that the inevitable opening of the eyes and heavy breathing on the wooden table were any less climactic! Doesn’t mean I wasn’t clutching the desk with anticipation!

The whole “everyone leaves because it didn’t work and then Jon opens his eyes” thing was super cliche and David/David know that, I’m sure. The great thing about being the show runners of a show like this is that you can be heavy handed and still get an incredible audience reaction. They know that too.

So, what does this mean for us going forward?

1. Jon is back in charge of the Night’s Watch, but how long will he want to be?

I would think that after your men rise up and kill you, the last thing you’d want to do upon rising from the dead is take over the command again, right? Sure his loyalists are in charge now, with wildling support (S/o Tormund) but the only experience anyone has with resurrection up there has to do with blue eyes and clammy skin. So…. yeah. Your guess is as good as mine for how they’ll react.

2. How much “Jon” is left?

Fans of the book (and viewers with great memories) will remember that the precedent for reviving the dead with the magic of R’Hllor  was set by Thoros of Myr resurrecting his warrior friend Beric Dondarrion. Beric has been, as of last count, resurrected 6 times and has lost almost all of his pre-resurrection memory. If Jon has lost most of his pre-stabbing memory, he could easily be a shell of the man he once was, which could spell serious trouble for his quest to eliminate the White Walkers.

3. What does Ghost have to do with all of this?

When the camera took to the stark white Direwolf (lol “Stark”) before showing Jon’s ressurection, was there some deeper meaning involved? Did he warg into Ghost, or was the camera hovering on Ghost simply to build the tension for the “big reveal?”. If he did warg, that could mean his soul is intact and be an easy escape of PRSD (Post Resurrection Stress Disorder).

Time will tell, but for now, lets just be happy our favorite pouter is back in the game.

2) High Sparrow –

I really fucking hate this guy, and I doubt he’ll be on the show THAT much longer. But for the meantime, he’s got the whole Lannister family’s balls in a vice-grip and assuredly it will be his Sparrow army that spells the end of the line for little Tommen. His Bernie Sanders-esque line “Together, we can overthrow an empire,” could signal a big sparrow power play in the next few episodes, especially because he’s still got the Tyrell siblings AND he’s wielding a fanatical army. The real-life political undertones of his ascent are less than subtle, but less hope he meets a more violent end than our own resident rebellious fundamentalists will. They’ve devoted too much screen time to his rise to not give him a big set piece and a royal send off.

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3) Tyrion Lannister:

Tyrion only got a little screen time this week, but he definitely made the most of it. Got his usual one liner about eunuchs in, gave a great line for his tombstone (“I drink and I know things”) and… hmm… I’m missing something.

Oh yeah, he managed to interact with and free dragons without getting even a little bit burned.

Normally, we’d just dismiss this as the usual Tyrion being a badass thing, but, as we’ve come to learn, there’s always a little more than meets the eye.

This could be a great time to discuss the (pretty exciting) theory of the 3-headed dragon. 

So, we all remember (maybe) back in the early seasons when Dany was told that the dragon would have three heads. How convenient then, that she has 3 dragons. The idea here is that each of the dragons she has mothered will have a rider. She claimed Drogon at the end of last season, but that still leaves Viserion and Rheagal riderless. In lore, only the Targaryens rode dragons, so lets operate under the assumption that all future riders will also be of Targaryen blood.

One of the riders, will, according to popular belief, be Jon Snow. The R+L = J theory continues to gain credence, and especially in the wake of his resurrection he appears to be the person for whom the song is considered one of both fire AND ice.

The other, however, has a bit more mystery attached to it. The book has a character that claims to be Aegon Targaryen, Rhaegar’s infant son who supposedly was smashed to bits by The Mountain. However, there is no sign that Aegon IV, or fAegon (Fake Aegon) as many skeptical book readers call him, is scheduled to make an on-screen appearance. However, this week’s Tyrion encounter begins to make it look more and more likely that Tyrion is in fact a Targ.

“But How?!” you might be asking yourself. Let’s back up a bit. We all know that Tywin (Tyrion’s dad) and Cersei hated Tyrion. Tyrion believes it’s because he killed his mother during childbirth, and for Cersei, that may be true. However, the reasoning for Tywin might go a little deeper.

As the theory goes, the Mad King Aerys had a thing for Tywin’s wife. This may have led to a little of this, and a little of that, which would’ve led to baby Tyrion. Not only does this explain his dwarfism (the Targaryens practiced so much incest that madness and physical deformities have to be a little expected) and Tywin’s resentment, as Tyrion’s presence constantly reminded Tywin of what the Mad King had done. It also provides a stronger rationale for Tywin leading the overthrow of the Targaryens, for as the saying goes, “A Lannister always pays his debts.”

While this may end up being completely off base, start looking for clues going forward. Benioff and Weiss aren’t the most… subtle… showrunners ever, so assuredly we’ll see a few more hints in the rest of the season if that’s the reveal we’re headed towards.

4) Davos Seaworth

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Most of this is covered above, but the Wall storyline was obviously the most relevant this week. However, for all the timeliness of the wildlings and the magic of Mel, Jon Snow would be dead forever if Davos hadn’t stuck around. It was his idea to get the wildlings in the first place, his inspirational speech that got Melisandre back on track, and his line that might have been the best of the night. “I’ve never been much of a fighter, so apologies for what you’re about to see” might as well have been a warning for the entire show, but out of Davos’s mouth it was so endearing I’m not even mad. This guy has been one of the most consistently like-able guys on the show. This probably means it’s time to die. Let’s hope not.

It will be interesting to see his plan now that Jon is back in charge of the Wall. He can leave whenever he wants. The question is though, where will he go?

 

5) Isaac Hampstead-Wright

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Dude FINALLY got some screen time. It was kind of a useless backstory on Hodor, but it was screen time. Welcome back, Bran! Let’s hope you give us more than flashbacks in the future. Should be interesting next week, with the previews indicating a more relevant storyline.

6) Ramsey Bolton

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Sure, he’s got control of the North now. But he had to murder his entire family in front of a few witnesses to do it.

Lord Ramsey, I would remind you to remember your father’s words, you bastard. If you act like a hound, they’ll treat you like a hound. So far, you’ve definitely acted the part, and if you ask me, it’s about time somebody put you down.

Things to Look out for:

Bran’s next trip down the rabbit hole:

The previews seem to indicate next week Bran will visit the Tower of Joy through the weirwood. Could this reveal the mystery of Jon’s parentage?

Oathbreaker: 

Brienne? House Umber? Someone from the Tower of Joy? So many possibilities, so little time.

Ramsey’s Gift: 

That flag with the chains is the flag of House Umber. House Umber, if you’ll remember, is where Rickon and Osha were headed. Could this be the return of our favorite wild child?

Dany to the Retirement Home: 

Dany should be on her way to the temple in Vaes Dothrak by now. Let’s see if Drogon/Jorah/Daario arrive to save the day.

 

Not Ranked:

Arya Stark, Sansa Stark, Brienne of Farth, Jaqen, GODrick Payne, Oysters, Clams, Cockles, Grey Worm’s Penis, Missandei the Aunt of Dragons, Varys punching Tyrion in the face, Kincest, Kinslaying, Asha Greyjoy, Theon Greyjoy, the Many Faced God, the Lord of Light,  Aeron Dhampir, Dany, Khal Whatshisface, the Dothraki Frat, Good Meat Myranda, Troy Bolton, and the Cock Merchant

 

 

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2 Comments

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  1. nonchalant tbone May 3, 2016 — 7:36 pm

    What about the Watchmen the giant slammed Aditya? definitely a brutal death

    Like

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